That Brain of Mine

Blog 1

That Brain of Mine

I don’t know where to begin…

All I know is, I need to write.

I don’t fully understand why, but maybe it will help…

There is so much in my brain! Thoughts and feelings. I don’t know where one begins and the other ends! It is a total mess and it never stops! Not even when I sleep! Sometimes in the morning, after the first bathroom visit, I sit on my bed just staring into space trying to comprehend all ive been “thinking about” while I was sleeping. Depending on what I dreamt about, its hard to be conscious in the real world. My dreams feel just as real as real life!

Its hard to concentrate. Always. I don’t want to do anything that requires thinking, concentration and focus. Its like id have to shut down my brain, and restart it only when im right in front of the thinking task at hand, so it wouldn’t be able to wander off on its own. It is even hard to focus on writing this right now! In-between the last two sentences, I already stared into space again for, I have no idea how long, thinking, thinking, thinking… about how my brain works, about how it feels to think so much. Or, is it even much? How would I know if I thinkg more than other people, if my brain works any different than others?

Ive been thinking, maybe it would help to write, but even that seems like a hard task, even when it just random thoughts. They whirl around in there so crazy, I don’t know if I can catch them long enough to put them on paper. Or screen.

Besides being hard to turn off my thought to concentrate on something, sometimes I cant stand the noise in me head and silence around me, that I need some noise outside of my head, that isn’t my own. Then I listen to podcasts or books. Like listeingin to someone elses brain, instead of my own. And then its really hard to stop and I binge-listen to all I can find. Especially when I like someones voice, the way they speak, words they use or their mannerisms. Its like a vacation from my own voice.

Everyone who can pronounce the word the abbreviation etc. comes from is a good voice. 😉 when I find out they cant, but I really liked them until they decided to disappoint me like that, I have to reconsider…

Same with the words especially, espresso and escape.

Well, I just kinda made myself smile and enjoy my own goofiness! Does that mean this writing session was successful? Is that how it works, I write until something comes up that goes in a positive direction and I start feeling a bit better?

Now im feeling a need to go outside and do something that needs crossed of that list! I have only a little bit of daylight left, so there’s no time to waste!